With so many blogs and bloggers out there in the bloggosphere, it can be very easy to begin to feel like an inadequate blogger. I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say in this post as it feels like one big ramble.
Over the last six months I’ve seen more and more bloggers that I began blogging around the same time as go pro, aka become full time bloggers or YouTuber’s. And while I am nothing but happy for them (they’ve earned it) I always feel a spasm of disappointment that I’m probably no where near that point. Granted, I’m not even sure I’d want to be a full time blogger (the thought of no guarantee of income scares the bejesus out of me but if I was getting close to being sustainable I absolutely would) but I feel like after the amount of work I’ve put into my blog, I wish I had the option too. I know it’s not realistic for everybody who starts a blog to take it to a place where they can call it their full time job – it’s a hard reality to swallow and I know that, but it doesn’t make me feel any better,
It’s very easy to feel like you’re not ‘keeping up with the Jones’, when it comes to blogging. Some days I open my Instagram/Twitter/YouTube, look at all the wonderful photos, the likes, the followers and want to cry into my pillow – why can’t I achieve that success when I feel like I’ve been busting a gut for the last three and a half years trying to maintain a full time job and a blog at the same time. But even worse is the thoughts I can sometimes have after I’ve closed down all my social media for the day. The ones I have when I’m lying in bed at night wondering where I’m going wrong. Here are a few:
- I’m not pretty enough to get lots of followers – people want to follow people they aspire to be like. Not me with my big nose, big thighs and double chin. Which leads too..
- I’m to big to be a fashion blogger but I’m not big enough to be plus size. Which leads too…
- Maybe I need to loose weight because then maybe people will want to be like me – isn’t that what blogging is about, making people want your life, isn’t that where the money is?
- I wish I had the money to have a pinterest/instagram-able home where I could take beautiful pictures. Why don’t I have more money?
- It’s also my content – maybe it’s boring – does this mean I’m boring? Maybe my life is boring? Nobody aspires to boring, and so on and so on…
And I know that these thoughts are absolutely MENTAL and completely irrational. I know that it’s probably none of these things (or that they are very small contributing factors). There are successful bloggers from all walks of life, all shapes and sizes and all with their own audience and interests. That’s what it’s about, finding where you fit and if I’m really honest after three and a half years I’m still not sure where I fit in the blogging world. I don’t want to be famous or even internet famous, I just want the recognition for the work I put in to my small piece of internet. I know content is key – I’m just not sure I’ve found the content my readers are happy to read and I am happy to create. The truth is, is that I probably don;t put enough time into my blog owing to other commitments and the fact that when I get home from my job, I’m knackered and have no motivation for anything other than food and Netflix. I want to relax and but then I feel guilty about not spending my free time blogging, so I blog, which exhausts me further… do you see where this vicious cycle is going?
I know this seems like such a materialistic and frivolous topic and yes I know that people all over the world have things much worse than me but when something is constantly getting you down it begins to have an impact on your life. I try really hard not to judge myself against others but in a world full of social media and reality TV it is so difficult. As usual, I know these feeling will pass, but sometimes it just helps to get them out. I know that so many other bloggers will be able to relate to this post and to them I’d like to say this – ‘When you’re feeling down, remind yourself of all the good out there, all the fun you’ve had while blogging, and even if it’s a small number, just how many readers lives you’re making an impact on because that is truly amazing’. Seriously, how many people can command the attention of 100/200/300 people?
So I’ll keep smiling and posting because that’s what I do. I couldn’t bare the thought of feeling constantly negative and I’d hate for this self inflicted pressure to destroy a hobby I really enjoy. I’ll keep learning and evolving and doing my thing – I just hope that I can keep the comparisons to a minimum.
Leave your thoughts below…