How to deal with breaking up with friends

Do you know what I noticed over the last 6 months – there are so many articles/blog posts/ tweets out there about how to deal with a break up from a significant other.  When I split up with my ex last year, it was actually unnerving how many of these I came across – Facebook advertising didn’t seem to think it was doing it’s job if it didn’t point me the direction at least 3 articles or websites a week.

But what’s not out there are many articles about how do deal with a break up from friends.  It’s not even just on the internet, nobody really talks about it in real life either.  My close friends and I talked about the demise of my relationship to death, over and over, but when my friendship group got smaller – not much was said.

To give a bit of vague backstory I recently fell out with some friends who I’ve known since uni.  I went to school with one, lived with another in halls and spent many a happy night dancing the night away with all three.  It was around the same time as my break up and I took both pretty hard.  There was the state of confusion, sadness, anger… and I realised that getting over the loss of a friendship group is as hard, if not harder than getting over a break up.

I was ‘broken up with’ by text because I hadn’t shown interest in an upcoming group trip.  In the midst of my breakup it just wasn’t high on my list of priorities but to them it was upsetting enough to pull the plug on our friendship – the straw that broke the camels back really.  Looking back, it was a long time coming and there is no doubt that I’d drifted apart from the group and just wasn’t into the same things as they were anymore.

At first I was angry, then I was sad (and those uni photos on my Facebook are tinged with this sadness still) but once I came to realise I was going through the same mourning process that you go through when you sever romantic ties with somebody, it became easier to see it for what it actually was…. a break up.  So why would you try to treat it any differently?

When they talk about ex’s they say people come in and out of your lives at different times and for different reasons and I believe it’s the same with friendship groups too.  At 25, I can count all of my close friends on just over one hand and I’m totally ok with that. Because it’s not the number of friends you have, but the quality.  At school I was desperate to be liked and wanted to please everybody and I think it was still the same at uni.  But at the wise old age of 25 I’m done with that – which is why after one or two texts went ignored, I didn’t try and salvage it.  I’ve drifted too far from the group and it really is just one of those things.  It happens.  I wish them nothing but happiness in their futures but as far as our lives intertwining goes, I think we’re done.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s ok to carry on with life and not keep everybody along for the journey – sometimes its the right thing to do to leave somebody in your past weather that’s an ex boyfriend or an ex best friend.

I’m so lucky that I have some amazing friends who I consider close.  Some of them I can go months without seeing, but we pick right back up where we left off as if no time has passed.  That’s how I measure friendship now, it’s not about numbers, it’s about knowing that the people I have around me are the ones that I can rely upon when my life goes to shit.

And knowing my life and history that could be anytime really. So thanks for the love ladies, who know who they are. I owe you a thousand times over!  And I hope they know that I’ll always be there for them in return.

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