A few days ago, I was tagged in a tweet as somebody recommended that I read the gorgeous Megs from Wonderful You post about lost love and how we deal with it. Reading her post reminded me of a position I’d been in twice before – the first time with my first love which nobody ever forgets, the second with a man who I’d started to build a life with before I wasn’t. I feel very lucky that I’ve experienced love, and that I have somehow managed to steer myself through losing love.
Because it’s damn difficult when it doesn’t work.
So I wanted to write a post – not necessarily a response to Meg’s post but a post to all girls that have been through a break up. I don’t pretend to be a relationship/ break up expert but after finding myself at the end of a relationship last year, it’s something I have thought about a great deal. Today’s I’m very excited to be starting a new chapter in my life and I’ve actually found writing this letter to be maybe the final thought I’ll ever give to the sadness that sits within the previous chapter. So here goes nothing…
“Dear Broken Hearted Girl
Break ups hurt. The pain is very real. Let it out. Cry. Wallow. Be selfish. Grieving is very normal and very expected. There will be a time where all you want to do is stay in bed, not because you’re lazy – but because getting up to face a new day is a painful, real experience and something you don’t want to face without them. I’ve known this feeling well.
You will have a thousand questions and will go over everything that happened in your head a thousand times. What about the trust you had with them? It’s important that you know your trust has not been misplaced and that is so important to remember. You have not wasted any time. When things were good, they were amazing – cherish those memories and don’t let them be tainted by the ones towards the end.
Remember it did end. And that is devastating, yes. But was it really that good if it could be broken? They say hindsight is a wonderful thing and one day, you’ll appreciate that sentiment. It might not be today, but I promise it will come.
I’ve always been the first person to roll my eyes when somebody utters the words ‘time is a healer’ – how will time ever get rid of the stabbing pain in my chest or the sickness in the pit of my stomach that I feel when I think of you? How will time help me to piece together the thousands of pieces my life has been smashed into? There’s no time frame you can work to, no measure of time we can use to say how long it will take to put yourself back together. It’s ok to be sad.
Because one day, you won’t be.
And it can be as simple as that. Like a light bulb moment and it can happen to you anywhere. The pain gets easier, you begin to become numb towards it because genuine happiness takes over… and then it happens. You learn to cherish what you had, and leave the rest where it belongs; in the past without the ebbing of pain attached to it.
You start to appreciate life again and surround yourself with happy and content people – and you’ll become one of them. They love their life and they love to live it – and so will you. One day, the smile on your face won’t be masking the pain underneath, it’ll be real, genuine and it will feel good.
As for the thought of them being with someone else? You might not understand how and why but you don’t need too. But it’s not a competition – please take it at your own pace. It’s not only them that can complete your puzzle – they mass produce puzzles after all. They’ll be another piece out there – one that hasn’t been damaged and broken because it’s been forced to fit – but because they’re the right fit and will become part of the puzzle for all the right reasons. It might not be a relationship at all that completes your set. It’s you, your life, your choice. You choose what defines you. You are worth somebody giving you their all and giving your all in return.
How do I know this? Because I’ve been through it. I don’t believe I would be writing this letter if I hadn’t quite made sense of it all. But it all comes with time.
Don’t be afraid to love again – because it is the most incredible feeling. There’s nothing like it in this world. The thought of finding love again; real, breath-taking love, excites me. Because I believe it’s out there.
And even though you’ve probably done a great impression of me, rolled your eyes and thought ‘Nothing is going to make this better’ – I promise that one day, when the pieces fall into place, it will.
It really will.”